Funny One-Liners

1) Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

 If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left

 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

 

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.