Impressively Stupid Warning Labels

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. (As opposed to…?)

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. (Well, damn. When am I supposed to do my hair now?)

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. (So you’re saying that if they’re on my shins, my elbows are not protected?! What the hell?!)

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. (I would most definitely hope so)

"Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." (Really? It does? That’s so cool, man! I never knew that!)

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. (Look, people. Stabbing adults is perfectly fine. But children? Have a heart)

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. (Fun story: a man attempted to dry his kitten in the microwave, with bad results. He sued the microwave company for not stating in their manual that you weren’t supposed to do that. Microwave manufacturers worldwide have learned from this and now have included this vital piece of information in their instructions)

 "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. (We’re professionals. Do not try this at home)

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. (I’ll take extra special care the next time I pick up a plane)

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. (The accidents we could avoid if we would keep those 5 year olds with colds off of the forklifts)

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. (This is almost as good as Lanjarón, Spain, where it is illegal to die.)

"Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. (Every time you see a seal on things like Pringles, you will think of this. I promise you, you will.