Half Life: Full Life Consequences

If you haven't seen this one yet, you should. Full Life Consequences is a hilariously bad Half-Life fanfic you can read here, and below is the dramatic reading of chapter one, set to music and video.

Politically Correct Terms I

Note: the word "politically correct" is being used loosely here. All credit goes to: http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/205.html

a woman.................a person of gender
actress.................actor
affliction..............condition
afro-american...........african-american
alien...................relative
alimony.................back salary
alive...................temporarily metabolically abled
angry...................passionate
animal trainer..........interspecies communicator
animals.................non-human beings
anti-abortion...........pro-life
argue...................share
argued..................shared feelings
arguing.................sharing
bad.....................different
bald....................comb-free
bald....................hair disadvantaged
ballboy.................ballchild
barmaid.................bar attendant
beautiful...............different
belief..................tentative inclination
bisexual................sexually non-preferential
blind...................visually challenged
blow one's nose.........deal with one's handkerchief
body odor...............nondiscretionary fragrance
book....................processed tree carcass
books...................processed tree carcasses
boring..................charm-free
boy.....................oppressor-to-be
boyfriend...............unpaid sex worker
broken home.............disfunctional family
brotherhood.............siblinghood
bum.....................displaced homeowner
cattle ranch............cattle concentration Camp
certain.................reasonably sure
certainly...............probably
certainty...............reasonable likelihood
chairman................chairperson
chicano.................person of color
cigarette smoking.......assault with a deadly weapon
clever..................different
closed..................somewhat unopen
clumsy..................uniquely coordinated
complain................share
conservative............reactionary
conservative............right wing extremist facist pig
convict.................ocially seperated
corpse..................nonliving person
crazy...................emotionally different
dead people.............disfunctional earth children
dead....................metabolically different
deaf....................aurally inconvenienced
deaf....................visually oriented
deformed................special
delicatessen............corpse farm
devil...................God's mischevious offspring
dirty...................consciousness expanding
disability..............special challenge
disabled................differently abled
disease.................condition
dish washer.............utensil sanitizer
dishonest...............ethically disoriented
disorganised............non-traditionally ordered
dog.....................canine companion
dominant................opressive
dominate................opress
dominated...............opressed
domination..............opression
doorman.................access controller
drooling drunk idiot....person on floor
drug addict.............chemically challenged
drunk...................spatially perplexed
dumb....................neuronically challenged
economically exploited..differently advantaged
egg ranch...............hen rapery
elderly.................longer living
european................Mutant Albino Global Minority
evil....................potentially good
false teeth.............alternative dentation
false...................seemingly not entirely correct
farmer..................exploiter of mother earth
farming.................exploiting mother earth
fat.....................stout
feminism................equitism
feminist................equitist
filthy..................consciousness expanding
fireman.................firefighter
fishing.................raping the oceans
foul....................challenging
freak...................gift from God
fur.....................dead animal skins
gang....................youth group
genius..................mentally different
ghetto..................pre-integrated pre-nirvana
girl friday.............assistant
girl watching...........street harassment
girl....................female person
girlfriend..............acquaintance rape survivor
girlfriends.............unpaid sex workers
girls...................young female persons
gorgeous................different
graffiti................people's art
grammar.................ethnocentric white patriarchal
restructuring
of language
great...................different
hairdresser.............hair stylist
hamburger...............seared mutillated animal flesh
hate....................dislike
hates...................dislikes
he or she or it.........h'orsh'it
he......................she
hearing person..........temporarily aurally abled
heir....................inheritron
heiress.................inheritron
heroine.................hero
heterosexual............blatantly heterosexual
history.................his'n'herstory
homeless................involuntarily undomiciled
homosexual..............gay
honey...................stolen nonhuman animal sweetener
hopeless................stepping stone
hostess.................host
housewife...............domestic engineer
housewife...............homemaker
humans..................human animals
hunter..................bambi butcher
hurricane...............himmicane
I.......................my humble self
ignorance...............alternative wisdom
ignorant................differently wise
illiterate..............alternatively schooled
illogical...............differently logical
immature................childlike
impaired................challenged
in fact.................seemingly
incompetent.............of different interests
inferior................different
inmate..................guest
inmates.................guests
insane people...........selectively perceptive
insolvent...............illiquid
intellect...............intuition
intelligence............intuition
intelligent.............intuitive
janitor.................environmental hygienist
jew.....................Jewish person
judge...................consider
junkie..................substance abuse survivor
kid.....................young person
kids....................young people
kinsmen.................kin
lazy....................of different interests
learning disability.....self-paced cognitive ability
leather.................dead animal skins
lesbian.................gynocentric be-ing
lesbianism..............gynocentric be-ing
liar....................a person creative with the facts
lie.....................constructive version of the facts
literary criticism......lit crit
logger..................treeslayer
lost....................temporarily misoriented
lover...................spouse equivalent
lovers..................spouse equivalents
lower classes...........downtrodden
lumberjack..............tree butcher 


You may also enjoy: A Glass is a Complicated Thing

3 Young Adult Books That Touched Me, Plus Hunger Games Movie Stills

Phaenomen by Erik L'Homme

A book by a French author that's awfully hard to come by in the USA - I'm actually not sure if it's been published in English. Beatifully written, though, superb plot and nice pacing. Technically it's a science fiction novel, because the 4 main characters have super-human powers, but I've always thought of it as more of an ... I don't know what, actually. The plot looks like this: Violaine, Claire, Nicolas and Arthur live in a clinic for teenagers that are pretty much hopeless cases, with other mentally disabled kids. The clinic isn't the nice, cushy place it pretends to be, and in reality the only one who treats them with any respect is one Doctor Barthelemy, who is abducted early in the novel, something that Claire witnesses. The crew decides that the clinic holds nothing for them and choose to try and save the good doctor. First they search his room, the only clue they find being a paper belonging to the Doctor. They trek all over France in their search when they come to the attention of the kidnappers, and the organization behind them. The baddies do what anybody else would, namely, hire a team of hitmen. Only our little team have the aforementioned "superpowers", which they slowly begin to discover and use. However, they aren't exactly bright, these kids, and there was a reason they were sent to the clinic for mentally disabled children.
I realize the plot sounds a little over-done and certainly weird, but the last thing this book is a stereotype. The four have this humanity surrounding them, and a way of making you love them even though they operate on a different mental level than you, and not necessarily a better one. They're not genius, they're not super strong, but they have incredible minds with an incredible, touching way of looking at the world.
Since I doubt you'll be reading this one anytime soon, I'll tell you how it ends. (That means SPOILER ALERT, guys).
They die. The hitmen shoot them dead while they're trying to run away. At least that's how I remember it, because I read this book a few years back.
I cried.

It's actually 3 books in one big, 500+ page book. Or it's a big book divided in 3 smaller books. You choose.

Story Time by Edward Bloor

This story is actually kind of morbid and creepy. It's also freakishly fascinating and thought-provoking. I found a really good summary on Teenreads.com, namely this one, and I've taken an awfully large quote from it.

George Melvil, certifiable genius, and his niece Kate Peters, certifiable shoo-in for the lead in Lincoln Junior High's production of "Peter Pan," are offered spots at the prestigious Whittaker Magnet School. Whittaker Magnet, known for having the highest standardized test scores in the country, is housed in the same building as the supposedly haunted county library. While Kate has zero desire to attend a basement school full of brainwashed test-takers, George is intrigued by the opportunity to attend a school where he won't be judged unfairly on his small stature and interest in academics.
Their careers at Whittaker Magnet begin with an orientation from the domineering, treacherous Cornelia Whittaker Austin and sightings of a madwoman with a chainsaw in an upstairs window. Things only get stranger from there, involving secret passages, a librarian who only speaks in nursery rhymes, weapons of mass destruction and priceless books that house demons. (...)
So whether you're one of those people who can get a perfect score on the SAT with both eyes closed or if you chew number-two pencils to bits at the very thought of filling in all those circles, STORY TIME will make you think. And smile. And think some more.

 End of quote. Thank you, Teenreads.com. Now this is a book you really can't put down because it's a little unpredictable. I really recommend it, although not to 8 year olds. This is not for you, sweethearts.

Pictured: a really good read.

Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

If you're mad at me for including this on my short list, I understand. All that's being talked about lately is the novel, the movie, the soundtrack, omg trifecta!, blah, blah, blah. But the annoying thing is that this book is really, really good. I'm not going to provide you with a summary, because come on, the book and movie are all that have been talked about lately and don't tell me you didn't go see the movie. I certainly did, and you can read my musing pre-movie and after seeing it here and here. I won't be doing an additional post about the books, though, so consider this the Book Review Post. (By the way, this is the Silver Dreams trifecta: trailer post, movie post, additional post about the actors, books, setting, etc.)
I really liked the movie and I had a bookstore gift card, so I went ahead and bought the first book in the triology, because it made sense. Then I went home, showed off my self-control by leaving it in the bag for a few days, and then snuggeled up with it one afternoon. So.
It was a little weird in the beginning. Something felt ... off and I couldn't figure out what it was. On page 33 I figured out what it was: it's written in present tense, not past. To give you a feeling of how that reads, the rest of this review is in present tense.
Because I'm interested in writing, I pay special attention to character development, word choice, and so on. I notice how Collins always uses the word "say". It comes to my attention that the Capitol isn't described in a very detailed fashion. In my mind, I always picture scenes from the movie because that's what I have to go on, and to picture anything else feels weird. In general, I feel that Collins leaves a lot to the imagination. I'm unsure if this is a good or bad thing. The world Katniss lives in, Panem, is described in little chunks spread throughout the entire novel, and the description is thin.
I feel that Katniss gets an unfair advantage over the others. The arena is perfect for her, as perfect as it can get, because she's familiar with woods and can survive there. If the arena had been, say, full of rocks and cliffs, she would die so much more easily.  Katniss gets an 11 in the pre-game evaluation for some reason that contradicts with what I imagine the Capitol to be like. None of the Career tributes can climb trees, which makes little sense. Rue shows up when Katniss needs her and dies when it's convenient in the plot. I'm sorry, but it felt like that to me.
I know I'm being a little harsh with my criticism here, and I will get to the praise in a minute. Just remember that the other two books listed here I read a long while ago.
The Hunger Games captures a reader's attention in a special way. Firstly because it's a whole new world you dive into, with concepts unfamiliar to you. Second, because the premise for the story - the Hunger Games themselves - is thought-provoking and controversial. Thirdly, there's always something happening in the arena, and that something is life-threatening and something you can't predict. Fourth, the leaving-everything-to-the-imagination thing lets you design this fictional world the way you choose, and that will make you happy.
I wonder how the mental imagery while reading is for those who haven't seen the movie. Does it make the book better or worse? Here are some movie stills showing District 12, the Capitol and the Arena.

Notice how this is awfully similar to the arena. But this is what I imagined District 12 like. It fits the description well enough.

This I imagine differently. I'm referring to the outfits more than anything

I mean, come on. Let's get really outlandish here! Make the tributes memorable!

This dress reminds me of a tomato. Does not remind me of book description. Not sure which one I like better.

I really like the movie outfits here. Actually, the entire chariots scene was well done.

See, extravaganz. There it is! Look at it!

Reminds me more of a gym locker room than what I read in the books. Again, unsure which one is better.

I have trouble remembering the faces, let alone names, of half of the tributes. Is the foxy girl really named Foxface? She isn't, right? Tell me she's not!

This is Katniss' natural habitat. I'm actually unsure if this is her hunting behind District 12 or the arena. I'm leaning towards the later.

Go, Katniss! RUNRUNRUN! I was cheering her on like a crazy person during the movie.

I just added this because it was funny. It's a promo, I think.

The Hunger Games Was Awesome

The Hunger Games movie staring Jennifer Lawrence was fantastic. I've never read the books, but I bought the first one today because I loved the movie so much. How many of you cried when Rue died? There was a girl in the movie theater a few seats back who was bawling her eyes out. My friend and I made were wiping away stray tears with tissues.
And when the Gamemakers (is that what they're called? I'm sorry, I don't know) tried to kill Katniss with fire, or when the other tributes were trying to kill her and she was up that tree, or when she got bit by that freaky wasp, we were holding hands and quietly cheering her on. I think there's something in Katniss' personality that appeals to people, no matter what age. She's strong but still fails, and still cries. And you want her to win. No matter what, you want her to win.
The crowds in the main city - you see them and you think they're sick. Absolutely disgustingly revoltingly sick. But then you think, what about me? If you were in one of the better-off districts you'd be one of them too. It's thought-provoking, and probably what made me decide to buy the book. You want to see more of this crazy world because it works. It makes sense, in a twisted way. And you want good to win, but how do we define good? Did the Gamemaker deserve his death at the end of the movie? Wasn't he good too, in a way? But then you remember that he is (was?) Gamemaker - he designed the bloody public death arena several times, and you can't forgive that.

Can you?